Accountability

Accountability. This is a dirty word in my mind. I try so hard to keep myself accountable, but, I am human, and I am flawed. 

I have been going back through my own posts from the last few years. I read this article on Grok Nation today. I walked into another room in my home (before I read this article) and thought to myself, we’re all a bunch of hoarders. I have been battling against it for years. I am not accountable. I ignore my tracker pages in my BuJo. I’m thinking I need to micromanage myself and have a weekly tracker instead of a dedicated monthly tracker. 

Baby steps, right?

I start in a corner. I empty it. Empty shelves make me panic. Not in a “I need stuff” kind of way, but in a way that a cluttered jam-packed shelf never does. I need to have things there. Not because I need things, I never touch those things. I just can’t handle an empty shelf. Which is sad, because half of me yearns for all the empty shelves, all the empty counters and dressers and tables. I am fairly certain my longing for a tiny home is the hope that less space to full equals less things to fill it with. 

I am fighting my own personal war.

Women are taught to take up less space, be less noticeable, be quieter, don’t complain, suck it up. I want to take up all the space. My things take up all the space for me. I used to be loud and take up space. I will be loud and take up space again. 

Just as soon as I get my home under control and my things take up less space than my person. 

I have read all the self-help books. I love minimal living websites. I don’t love KonMarie, but that is because things don’t bring me joy and using that method I would have nothing, which would definitely not bring me joy. I really dig the Swedish Death Cleaning concept, and I have been intermittently using it. Mostly for things I know no one will want and I don’t want or use right now. 

I love when she comes over in my old “Pierced in the Right Places” shirt, that was a baby shower gift for my first child, who turns 18 in just a week. That shirt is older than he is, and is still being loved, even if it is not by me. 

Let me tell you about privilege.

I don’t have the privilege or getting rid of things “I might need later” because I probably can’t afford to purchase them again. I save gift bags to reuse, not only for our environment, but because gift bags are pricey and aren’t usually one time use items. But fifty tee shirts? Nope. Old bras I never wear but can’t bear to bin because of what they cost? Well, they have zero value sitting shoved in the back of a drawer.

Donate. Pick your own charity, but donate, and do it often.

I almost always have a donate bag full of clothes. I don’t remember buying them, but it doesn’t matter, here they are. I always laugh when my sister comes over sporting a shirt I swore I threw out five years ago, but she had gone through my donate bags and saved some for herself or her friends. I love when she comes over in my old “Pierced in the Right Places” shirt, that was a baby shower gift for my first child, who turns 18 in just a week. That shirt is older than he is, and is still being loved, even if it is not by me. 

Baby steps. I am going to try not to buy anything tomorrow. Easy enough, my plans for tomorrow include friends and crabs and beers and no consumerism (unless you count the crabs, but…. they count as food, right? Right!)

Then I will try again the next day. And the day after that. Things on my “gotta buy” lists have been boiled down to food, gasoline, and house things (those things that aren’t food that you buy while food shopping). That delicious refresher from Starbucks? Nope. I can fill my water bottle. Lunch? I can make it myself. 

Accountability.

I have a brand new mini tracker on my weekly layout. So far it includes things like “I didn’t spend any money” and “I took my meds/vitamins” and “I exercised, even just a little”. I already had 64 ounces worth of water drops per day to fill in. I am a data collecting beast. 

…tidying up, decluttering, reminding myself to take up space and make myself known, to just be a better me than I am currently being. You can do it too. I promise.

My data tells me I need accountability. Maybe to someone other than myself, but the husband has always told me I have awesome will power. I need to remember to apply it to myself more often, and not to things I need to do for others. I can do this. I will do this. 

Do all the things.

It’s just an empty shelf. I can do this. You can do this. We can not be afraid of an empty shelf, and we can minimize our things, and we can commit to doing just one thing extra every day. I have wasted hundreds of “it’s just 20 minutes” on reading another chapter or watching another episode. I am trying to shift those 20 minutes over to tidying up, decluttering, reminding myself to take up space and make myself known, to just be a better me than I am currently being. You can do it too. I promise. We got this. Together. Tell me what your struggles are, tell me what your victories are, tell me we got this, because we do.