Prior to the Matzo Brei post, my last post was on 2/10. When I logged in, I had one major WordPress update and 15 minor updates. I have done nothing for ten weeks. And this happened when I mentioned it to The Husband.
It isn’t that I haven’t had anything to say, it’s that I haven’t felt like writing. Or doing much of anything. All this really (probably) means is that any following I had I’ve lost. I dislike starting over, but I dislike feeling pressured by myself to spit out poorly written blogs just to appease some imaginary audience. Not that you are imaginary, but I’m not breaking any records for folks reading me either. And that’s OK. This is vanity, not an income.
I couldn’t even tell you what I’ve done for the last ten weeks. My bullet journal could, but I couldn’t. I know I’ve gone to doctors appointments (not my own). I know I’ve gone to work. I know I’ve made meals and done [some] laundry. OK, I have no idea what I’ve spent the last 10 weeks doing other than sleeping. Given my druthers, I would go home and go to sleep right now.
The end of January found me writing this and I think I am just really recovering from that.
Relief is realizing your entire body aches because it’s been tense for so long that it no longer hurts because other things are busy being more important and it’s your new normal.
I think I am finally unclenching. I am finally releasing each muscle into its more natural and relaxed state. A few weeks ago I realized I had nails again. A few days ago I decided my time to rest was coming to an end, needed or not. I am still tired. I am still full of aches and pains. But, and I am giggling, because it is Pesach, and a sarcastic “מַה נִּשְׁתַּנָּה הַלַּֽיְלָה הַזֶּה מִכָּל הַלֵּילות” is the response. Why is this night different from all other nights? It’s not. Mah nishtona is shorthand, in my home, for “why would you expect anything else?”. I know it is not how the phrase is meant, please don’t school me on Pesach or literal inference or anything. It’s sarcasm. It is its own language.
So yes, pain? Check. Moving on anyway? Check. I have a few ideas in my brain. I have half a dozen posts in the works. Some started in late February, some starting this morning. But I’m back. I declared 2016 was going to be my year. Well, so far it’s been no-one’s year, but I’m reclaiming it and making it my own.